It has taken me a week to gain perspective on a family funeral I attended.
My family requires months, even years of perspective. If you have read any of my Hold Everything Lightly series, above, you might understand. My great Aunt K. died, she was just shy of ninety. When I was much younger I used to spend time with her but I have not seen her recently. One of my aunts and her daughter have been faithful to visit and care for her. Unfortunately much of what they did for her will go without credit.
I almost walked out of the church because someone was there who hurt me terribly when my beloved daddy died. It took every fiber of my being and the grace of God to hold me in place. Then my Big Sister came in the door and I did not know what she might do because she is far more volatile than I and was involved with that whole incident. My sister did not recognize me. I have grey hair, have lost weight, and had on heels. A vast difference than my former look when she saw me last year. Yes, it was at least a year since I have seen my sister. We do talk on the phone however. We sat together and she told me she nearly left when she saw the person who caused us so much pain when we were mourning our dad. We are united in that we are the two children left of our parents. Our brother, Fred, was killed by a drunk driver fifteen years ago. Mom had more children later.
. It was dizzying for me to see friends from high school grown yet strangely the same. They did not recognize me(grey hair strikes again). We saw a vast array of first cousins, cousins thrice removed, aunts, and uncles. Upon reflection I noticed neither preacher who spoke mentioned my great uncle who married my aunt 58 years ago. I do not think that an accident. He was mean and hateful. He was my grandfather's brother.
Going to my hometown is too strenuous and intense for me.
I cannot do it with perspective or grace anymore.
Too many ghosts of the past lurk there.
The scary part is they have a pulse.
joy and peace